I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
