do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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