In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
