u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
