I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He better not be in your backpack
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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