hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
