I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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