No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
