My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
