Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
