just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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