Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she told me i tasted like america
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
