"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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