I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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