It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
