I am in a vortex of obligation.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
