Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
