I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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