It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
