I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
