Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
