She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
