I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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