it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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