She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
