I just made out with a guy for $7.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
