____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
