she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
