Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
