I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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