Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
