don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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