it wasn't lemon gatorade
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
