I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
