your room smells of hookers.
And success
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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