you traded sex for a burrito?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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