Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
