my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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