Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
