Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
