i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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