I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Alive.
So much puke
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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