neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
