i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
