"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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