is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
