My liver just broke up with me...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
