Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
