i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
