Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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